Anxiety, Control, and the Power of the Present Moment

One of my favorite quotes regarding anxiety goes like this, You’re afraid to surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.

This is the message anxiety tells you:

“You’re not ready.” “You don’t have what it takes.” “You’re not strong enough.” “You’re not smart enough.”

For the past fifteen years, it’s been an absolute honor for me to be a therapist to hundreds of individuals. To be trusted and invited into the most intimate details of a person’s life and to help guide them on their journey is a humbling honor.

If you were to ask me, “Scott, what has been one of the most pressing themes that has come up most often when working with clients over this span of time?”, I would tell you it’s the idea of anxiety and control. It’s the individual’s inability to control the controllables in their life well, while simultaneously fearing what might happen, that makes them feel so out of control. This most often leads to the burden of stress and anxiety.

If you had to put anxiety into your own words, how would you define it? Honestly, take a moment, stop reading, and give it a try. I would definitely choose words like fear and worry. In addition, I would say anxiety is like this bridge in my future that once I get to it I’m afraid I won’t have what it takes to cross it. In other words, anxiety is like a future event that I fear going terribly wrong!

When I have a client talk to me about their anxiety, I’ll ask them at some point, what is it that you fear? After they take a moment to think about it, they will tell me. My fear is that one day _____________, or eventually __________________. I’ll follow up and ask them, how long have you had this fear? Many times the answer is in years. I will then ask, in all of this time has there ever been a moment when your fear has come true? When all that you have been anxious about finally became a realization?

The vast majority of the time, the answer is no. The fear has never come into their life, especially not in the way they thought it would. We call this “worry deceit,” which means that over 90% of the things we worry about never come true. And about 10% of the time when it does come true the outcome is better than expected.

That’s exactly what I work through with individuals who come in seeking anxiety counseling in Winter Springs, helping them recognize the pattern, reframe the fear, and build confidence in their ability to cope.

Why? Because people are stronger than they give themselves credit for. Why is this? Because you have the strength, you have the support, you have the intelligence, you have what it takes to manage, pivot, adjust, and overcome.

I want to leave you with this idea. I want your present self to start trusting your future self. What would it look like in your life, and what would it feel like in your body, if you lived with a confidence that said, “I trust my future self if and when the storm comes, but until then I will live for today, in the present moment.”

Control the controllables. Prepare well. Trust the process.